I'm so fucking centered right now
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
