you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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