his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize