i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
