Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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