I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I supernannyed him into submission
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
