Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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