what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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