We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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