Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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