If that was your dad, he is hot
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
