hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
