doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
