Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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