He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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