Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize