you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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