Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
