So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
