What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
