Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
