Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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