Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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