Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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