he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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