Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
