tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
