ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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