U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
