using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
