yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
