Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
