my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
