I'm pants shitting drunk right now
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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