there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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