pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
