6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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