I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize