Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
