____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
