When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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