doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
