..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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