you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
