Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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