I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
