She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Randomize
