You really coming over, don't trick.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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