Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Holy shit dude........stairs
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
