I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I just want to make out with him forever
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
