omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize