Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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