I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
