I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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