I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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