Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
