just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
