I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
