So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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