I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize