I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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