I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
We're too hungover to prance.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
