I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
