smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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