Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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