guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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