im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
