actually, I'm a sock model
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
