Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
