Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
