I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize