Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
