Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
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