Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
