Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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