i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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