Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
