you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
