Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
