I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
If its not for food we ain't going out.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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