i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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