So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
