I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
the liver wants what the liver wants
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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