I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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