Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
