what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
