Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
