Who wears a wallet chain?!
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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