You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize