I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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