on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
