my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize