i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
