sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
