I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize